"I'm Back!"

Some of you may have noticed my absence from all things internet in recent months. If so, and you are interested in knowing why, please read on.

Life has a way of throwing us curve balls. On February 2nd I copped what was more like a cannon ball. I woke up and couldn’t walk. Well, I kind of could, but my legs felt like jelly and I had no balance… I looked like a Thunderbird on drugs.

Yes I jest, but it wasn’t funny at the time. Sickness is never a laughing matter. To cut a long story short I had contracted a virus that inflamed my brain stem and spinal cord. It took about 6 weeks before I could walk again. I was housebound for that time as I wasn’t permitted to drive either. 3 months later I still can’t run. The virus also affected my vision. It has improved a bit, but I still have black spots and wavy lines in front of my eyes. They call them floaters. And on top of that I experienced agonising aches and pains, dizziness, fatigue…I couldn’t do much at all.

Getting a diagnosis was a journey in itself and maybe the subject of another blog.

The good days far outnumber the bad now and I never was a runner anyway (but if a wild dog comes after me you’d better pick me up and carry me because I’m in trouble). Neurological damage can take some time to repair.

So now I’m back on the horse (I’m in trouble if one of them decides to chase me too), but have made some big changes to the way I live my life.

Initially I was bitterly disappointed that all this happened during my long service leave, my first ever after 20 years of full time ministry. I felt ripped off. But to be honest, I’m actually glad now that I went through it. I will tell you about more about that in weeks to come.

I was driving along the Mitchell Freeway in Perth on the weekend, wind blowing in my hair  (having the car window down in mum’s Corolla is a cheap alternative to a convertible).

According to my speedometer I was doing the speed limit of 100 km per hour (that would be 62.1371192 miles per hour for my overseas friends).

For a moment I thought I was on a German Autobahn or the Top Gear test track.  Vehicles were speeding past me like the proverbial bats out of hell.

I double checked my speedo.  Yes, I was still doing 100 kph.  So if that was the case and I was doing the speed limit  then why did I feel like I was driving too slow.  Why was I  feeling guilty? Why was there a mounting pressure to drive faster?  What was I?  A tortoise?

There is a thing called the pace of life and it varies from country to country, city to city, person to person.  Step out of Sydney into Fiji and you’ll see what I mean..bula bula.

In western society we can be prone to something called “hurry sickness”.  Its a cool psychological term for “running around like a headless chook” (that would be chicken for my overseas friends).

I am becoming more aware of my internal speedometer. Without a doubt my sweet spot is an unhurried soul.

I haven’t mastered the art of  marching to the beat of my own drum yet.  But I do know that the first step to change is always awareness and I now know that just because others are travelling faster than me, it doesn’t mean I’m going too slow.